"But why does the abuser behave this way? Why is it good for him?" - is often asked by victims of intimate partner violence. "How did you not notice the figure you were teaming up with? Why can't you see that you are being manipulated?" - relatives and acquaintances who want to help are upset when the abused woman is unable to leave the relationship. "He's not aware of what he's doing. How could he be responsible for it?" - his friends excuse the abuser.
Lundy Bancroft's book not only answers these questions thoroughly, but also sheds light on every detail of the abusive way of thinking, putting a tool in the hands of both the victim and those who want to help. The author led a therapy group for abusive men for decades, and his experiences with them form the basis of the work. The readable pages, seasoned with deep compassion and often with humor, can be usefully read by anyone who wants to learn more about the abuser's motives, methods and how they can help the victims.